This Is Me (An Illusion)

Hopeful? Or is it an illusion that a therapist would label as unhealthy with a classification and medication?

I won't give up on love
it's my obsession
some dream of a god above
my dream goes in another direction

I don't want promises from someone I can't see
I want to look in someone's eyes and know they see me

I won't give up on hope
it's my perfection
as long as there is hope in me
my dream lives in a state of reflection

I don't want compromises from someone in sympathy
I want to hold someone's hand and feel they feel me

It's a story often told
in fairy tales of old
to children laced with laughter
a happily ever after

I believed it is true
and still believe, I do
As foolish as it may seem
true love is my only dream

I won't give up on life
it's my affection
sometimes it cuts like a knife
my dream is without harmful complexion

I don't want empowered fear in my reality
I want someone to share everything with me

My dream is made of love
without exception
it is what makes me who I am
and all I am from my inception

I don't want any less than the true love fantasy
I want someone who will share it all with me

so here I am, as I am
sometimes bleeding without plan
sometimes secure in myself
sometimes in books on a shelf

pouring every feeling out
is part of what I'm about
understanding how we care
is something I want to share

I wont give up on love
even when it feels like no one really cares
I won't give up on hope
even when all I can feel is despair
I won't give up on life
even when the pain is all I feel
I won't give up on my dream of love
it is what makes hope real
it is what makes life real
it is what makes me real
But who knows the real me?

If love is shared in a forest and nobody feels it, does the tree that fell that no one heard know it was loved?

So here I am, torn up by life and decisions and poverty and unhealthiness and loneliness and all the crap in the other email that may be on a much darker path and still writing this simply little rhyme to remind myself to hang on...

Alone.

With no reflection, without a home.

With no one to call in an emergency.

With no one who cares to know me - or remind me...

However alone.

This is where I need to be.

This is where I can find me.

Thank you for helping me create the illusion that you know this is me.

Maybe someday it will be a reality. :)

honest love,
me