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You RUR Walls

I have no walls.
That is why I feel so alone.
I feel the empty space
of nobody coming near
and experiencing life
from my core
to my extremities

It is a wonderful experience
to be so open
so free
so aware
so alive.

If I did not want to share
there would be no loneliness.

Pity, sometimes,
that I want to share so much :)

If only someone would understand...

. . .

I smile as wide as the universe
for everything, for everyone, for myself
and for you because you care.

thank you for caring
it means so much to me
you mean so much to me
cuz you care.
Recent posts

Should Have Known

Better? lol... ah, irony, coincidence, a universe connecting dots, a trick of the calendar, you might even say the hand of god...

You have yours, I have mine, first love, the dream that there would be no other than the perfect complete unconditional fall... on this level we understand each other. There are some songs that are core songs for me, this is the one that helps me hold on and let go and continue believing in love.

It is actually from a movie...

And when it gets real (they were married 30 years ago)...

and the last chord was left unfinished...
I don't know if it's maturity or simply acceptance of a reality in which time does pass by and there really is no going back to where we left off no matter how much we want to, or think we want to.

All that said and I ask myself what I would do if she wanted to come back into my life today and my answer remains, I do not know any more than I'd welcome her back and take it one moment at a time.

For you, not being alone…

The Writer On Beauty and Happiness

I once wanted to see myself as a writer, as a person gifted with a skill to put words together to say profound and wondrous things, to amaze readers with thoughts and emotions that would open their minds and free them from the shackles of fears that oppress us from without and from outside in this culture.

What I have found in sharing personal letters is that most people personalize the thoughts and feeling in the words to a point where they either fall in love or become defensive, accepting the concepts and therein the person who they do not really know or rejecting them before ever knowing them.

This is an attempt to reach beyond that superficial and over-personalized communication, an attempt to find your mind open, objective, and even eager to understand the concepts, thoughts, feelings, and playfulness in these words without judging the writer, without leaping to any assumptions or conclusions that you know me. For how can anyone truly know another without spending time looking…

Maybe I'm Wrong

Maybe you agree, maybe you don't
Maybe you'll write, maybe you won't
I just keep guessing how you may react
only you can say what is fact

Maybe what I write makes no sense to you
maybe you do not believe it is true
maybe you disagree and just don't say
I can only guess. what's in your head today

Sometimes I think that I make a lot of sense
that I give good advice, but maybe I'm dense
maybe I'm wrong to keep sharing with you
sometimes I wonder why I do

I want you to know me, to want me to care
I want to be someone you respect, maybe revere
I want to be someone you think can be wise
I want to know who I am in your eyes

because you've known me for many years
sharing the same space through laughter and tears
we see the good, bad, and ugly in each other
I call you sister, do you call me brother?

did we waste our time sharing all we shared?
I don't want to believe you never really cared
but your silence leaves me wondering what is true
after all these yea…

When You No Longer Hide

What I mean is....

Someday listen to Harry Chapin's Tangle Up Puppet and you may understand :)

Meanwhile, in the semi-La Cage Aux Folles corner of my mind, I wanted to explain the text that I wrote right after to told me you were going to start to write. The previous email I sent is a great example of what I mean. You may have understood, but I was not referring to writing to anyone or even sharing the words. I share some words with you and the internet because I go beyond what I was referring to in the text. What I meant in the text is that when you want to write and feel like there are no words, shift your focus a little (or a lot) and write to someone else. Not as if you are going to send the words to anyone, but often that shift will start the words flowing again. Writer's block is what makes most people stop writing. There are ways around the block. Get it? :)

A pen and paper. I wrote at least a few millions words with pen and paper. Hundreds of hundred page notebooks fu…

all I want

I check my email, nothing meaningful is there
I check my phone, no one really seems to care
I check myself, sometimes I'm not even here
and still I do everything I can just to share
because all I want to do in life is share.

I ask for too much, it drives people away
sharing everything is not popular today
I just want someone who is not afraid to play
without hiding or asking me to pay
I just want someone real who really wants to stay

I try to understand why people are afraid to share
so afraid to trust, to love, to let themselves be here
I understand how people can use and abuse me when I care
but I don't understand over empowering fear
to me that is just wasting the little time we have here

all I want to do in life is shareThis isn't just to you, E, this is me trying to express myself and understand who I am, what I want, and what is missing from my otherwise happy life. The superficial challenges and comforts and cleanliness and healthiness matter, but all that would be…

This Is Me (An Illusion)

Hopeful? Or is it an illusion that a therapist would label as unhealthy with a classification and medication?

I won't give up on love
it's my obsession
some dream of a god above
my dream goes in another direction

I don't want promises from someone I can't see
I want to look in someone's eyes and know they see me

I won't give up on hope
it's my perfection
as long as there is hope in me
my dream lives in a state of reflection

I don't want compromises from someone in sympathy
I want to hold someone's hand and feel they feel me

It's a story often told
in fairy tales of old
to children laced with laughter
a happily ever after

I believed it is true
and still believe, I do
As foolish as it may seem
true love is my only dream

I won't give up on life
it's my affection
sometimes it cuts like a knife
my dream is without harmful complexion

I don't want empowered fear in my reality
I want someone to share everything with me

My dream is made of lo…