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Maybe I'm Wrong

Maybe you agree, maybe you don't
Maybe you'll write, maybe you won't
I just keep guessing how you may react
only you can say what is fact

Maybe what I write makes no sense to you
maybe you do not believe it is true
maybe you disagree and just don't say
I can only guess. what's in your head today

Sometimes I think that I make a lot of sense
that I give good advice, but maybe I'm dense
maybe I'm wrong to keep sharing with you
sometimes I wonder why I do

I want you to know me, to want me to care
I want to be someone you respect, maybe revere
I want to be someone you think can be wise
I want to know who I am in your eyes

because you've known me for many years
sharing the same space through laughter and tears
we see the good, bad, and ugly in each other
I call you sister, do you call me brother?

did we waste our time sharing all we shared?
I don't want to believe you never really cared
but your silence leaves me wondering what is true
after all these yea…
Recent posts

When You No Longer Hide

What I mean is....

Someday listen to Harry Chapin's Tangle Up Puppet and you may understand :)

Meanwhile, in the semi-La Cage Aux Folles corner of my mind, I wanted to explain the text that I wrote right after to told me you were going to start to write. The previous email I sent is a great example of what I mean. You may have understood, but I was not referring to writing to anyone or even sharing the words. I share some words with you and the internet because I go beyond what I was referring to in the text. What I meant in the text is that when you want to write and feel like there are no words, shift your focus a little (or a lot) and write to someone else. Not as if you are going to send the words to anyone, but often that shift will start the words flowing again. Writer's block is what makes most people stop writing. There are ways around the block. Get it? :)

A pen and paper. I wrote at least a few millions words with pen and paper. Hundreds of hundred page notebooks fu…

all I want

I check my email, nothing meaningful is there
I check my phone, no one really seems to care
I check myself, sometimes I'm not even here
and still I do everything I can just to share
because all I want to do in life is share.

I ask for too much, it drives people away
sharing everything is not popular today
I just want someone who is not afraid to play
without hiding or asking me to pay
I just want someone real who really wants to stay

I try to understand why people are afraid to share
so afraid to trust, to love, to let themselves be here
I understand how people can use and abuse me when I care
but I don't understand over empowering fear
to me that is just wasting the little time we have here

all I want to do in life is shareThis isn't just to you, E, this is me trying to express myself and understand who I am, what I want, and what is missing from my otherwise happy life. The superficial challenges and comforts and cleanliness and healthiness matter, but all that would be…

This Is Me (An Illusion)

Hopeful? Or is it an illusion that a therapist would label as unhealthy with a classification and medication?

I won't give up on love
it's my obsession
some dream of a god above
my dream goes in another direction

I don't want promises from someone I can't see
I want to look in someone's eyes and know they see me

I won't give up on hope
it's my perfection
as long as there is hope in me
my dream lives in a state of reflection

I don't want compromises from someone in sympathy
I want to hold someone's hand and feel they feel me

It's a story often told
in fairy tales of old
to children laced with laughter
a happily ever after

I believed it is true
and still believe, I do
As foolish as it may seem
true love is my only dream

I won't give up on life
it's my affection
sometimes it cuts like a knife
my dream is without harmful complexion

I don't want empowered fear in my reality
I want someone to share everything with me

My dream is made of lo…

Is It My Delusion?

I just want somebody to love me
just the way I am
I don't want to change to satisfy
someone else's plan

I just want somebody to love me
is that too much to ask?
apparently so, cuz finding someone
seems an impossible task

I give and I give and I give some more
I give all I've got till it hurts
I'm used and abused and discarded (oh my)
but I just keep buying new shirts

I've been on the street, left out in the cold
and I live like a refugee
taking care of everyone else
wondering when someone will see
who I am, what I'm worth
and fall in love with me
I'll take care of you
will you take care of me?

I just want somebody to love me
just the way I am
I don't want to lie to anyone
for I am an honest man

I just want somebody to love me
is that an impossible dream?
apparently so, cuz finding someone
has not happened it seems

I see too much
I feel too much
I give too much
I want too much
I think too much
I play too much
I share too much
I care too much

I just want …

Did You Know This Was Me?

The smile widens bigger than the face... to be loved is a perfect state of grace. :)
Still I wonder if it's sympathy
or just pity
or could it be
truly understanding?

This brain of mine is relentless
demanding answers
evidence that can be seen
how can we know we have been
if not touched by at least one of our senses
and felt and shared and known
viscerally
honestly
openly

so...
here I am for all to see
in cyberspace infinity
words for all eternity
do you know this is me?

writing almost every night
even sometimes in daylight
even if no one's in sight
to read these words I write

I reach out to the moon and stars
wishing they all could be ours
my heart is so much like stars
each wishing someone would believe
in them enough to wish on them
for all the wonder we could share
and all beyond...
one more time again

here I am for all to know
written gardens that still grow
as real as much as it's a show
to entertain and let you know

that here I am for all to see
in cyberspace infinity

Repression

I repress so well I don't die of loneliness... but I want to share so much it hurts and I want to love so much it hurts and if I don't repress it I will obsess and drive myself crazy and get so desperate I will settle for anyone for just a little while and then we'd both get hurt. I don't want to hurt anybody so I repress who I am I repress my desire to love and be loved and the most important reason I am alive is ignored... so sad... so sad... so sad it hurts to much so I repress awareness...

Is this wasting a life?

Repress that question. Repress that thought. Repress that feeling. I wish I could ignore the way you do. It is a blessing. I am cursed.
You're not the one I want to fall in love with
The one I want is nowhere to be found
but you may understand how much it hurts
to be alone, to feel unloved, to be alone
and believing you understand let's me believe I am not as alone as alone.

It's all illusion in my mind
I sleep alone every night
No one is her…