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To You, To Me, For You

Never give up on love,
never give in to fear,
always remember your passion
for that is what makes you care
and that is what you should share
for that is why you are here

So I'll just keep trying to encourage you to share this way and any other way I can think of, cuz I adopted you and this is what family does, reminds you to be yourself, define yourself, grow yourself, express yourself...

Maybe I ask too much of you, but I believe you've got it in your to continue growing your confidence and ability to know and express yourself. I believe you could write a book one day and it would be full of the kind of insight and love that this world needs. Even more important, I believe you need to get it out, to ride through the catharsis that self-expression can be - into a new awareness of just how precious and few people like you are.

I'll just keep trying to convince you and hope you believe me...

There's always hope (I hope)... there's always hope because I hope!

No…
Recent posts

Sabotage

So why do you think I need this? lol

All I ever wanted was to be loved
but everyone seems to want something more
reaching for something so high above
or something they see in every store

all I ever wanted was someone who
could give everything up for me
cuz that's all I've got to give them
everything... 

so if I ask for too much
I have settled for so much less
and I always want more
and that's too much I guess
I am living the dream
imagining like John
and if no one will walk with me
I'll just walk on

Living every moment in my peaceful happiness
it's not that it's perfect, surely you know
the madness comes and goes, does it show?
there's so much out there, maybe you don't see
there's plenty of madness inside of me
but I try to deal with mine honestly
my madness is just loving unconditionally

so it's easy to take advantage
it's easy to take for granted
it's easy to ignore me when I say
will anyone come out to play?

it's easy to pass o b…

Still The Same

Every now and then I get a little bit lonely, but it's almost always by choice. Or forgetfulness. I wonder if you understand that. I don't know if anyone ever has. That, in and of itself, is lonely.

I learned self-control as a survival skill before I knew how to define or describe what I was doing. Instinct saved me from so much, and eventually, I learned that everything I thought or felt was a choice. My choice.

It isolated me so much from others, It still does. I did everything I could to try to forget this. I did everything I could to try to forget who I am, what I can do, and how it feels to be me. It didn't work.

I did it for love.

You are sometimes uncomfortable around me and I'm not sure if you know why. It is because I can feel everything and you can feel that and it scares you. It is your hypersensitivity. You don't know how to be comfortable with all you feel, especially because there are so many sad and painful feelings in this world and I feel every…

Pretend We Don't Know Why

You were the last one I chose to trust unconditionally. The last one I let in to the space inside of me. You never ventured deep. We did not share our sleep. Or our dreams or our schemes or whatever that means. Yet until someone else comes along to take your place in my heart. I write to you as if you are here because that is your part. In this live I live. Everything I give. Are our dreams ad our schemes of whatever that means... all the trust without lust because that is the unconditional... or bust.

You may not know that life is pretend. We forget most of the truths we knew as children at play. You may not know that love never ends. The bond of trust is so far beyond lust that it perpetually mends.

All we need to do is trust the truth to come to us in being real and sharing caring unconditionally. That is when we can know the experience of love that is beyond when fear prevents us from seeing... it is so freeing... the purest being... all as one with the energy of the infinite et…

Time Goes By So...

Slowly? Only when you pay attention. Otherwise, time goes by way too fast. Two songs in there, at least, if you're paying attention. Anyway, this next set of letters can be called Sent and Not Sent, or Sent and Unsent, as the brief one was sent and the longer one (cut short still), was not sent. There are reasons that may or may not become clear in the reading, and if you understand, wonderful. If you let me know, amazing. If you never know, no worries, enjoy your life anyway.

Sent

I used to write so much and for years I exchanged emails with many people. Before email, snail mail. Pen pals, friends... I felt connected, cared for, alive in other people's hearts and minds and it felt very good. It's all gone now and that sometimes makes me feel very sad, alone, nobody.

Make the most of your relationships. Take care of the connections. You, more than me, even, thrive on the people who know and care about you. It takes time, work, and sacrifice. To stay connected. To stay ali…

Words (Just Be Kind)

Do you ever miss my words?
Do you ever really miss me?
Now and then, I know you said
But did you miss me or just your own bed? :)

You get along fine without me
except when a crisis appears
do you isolate yourself completely?
or just stay away from me?

isolating yourself is not good for you
you can self-destruct holding things inside
are you using words to let it out?
happiness is hard when you hide

I hope you are learning to open up
and trust more than ever before
that is how to make relationships work
no walls, no ceiling, no door

trust each other enough to have alone time
even while sharing the same space
and you never have to really feel alone
that is the state of grace

that we call love
it's not just somewhere high above
from a god that is out there
true love can be found right there
look around
true love is found right here

I hope you are learning to open up
and share more than ever before
that is how to make relationships work
no walls, no ceiling, no door

use your words whe…

Questions & Answers (on the Roller Coaster)

I don't know if you read these
or what they mean to you if you do
it would mean so much to me if you did
to know someone who knows me still cares
to know someone knows I am here

I wrote the blues out of me in the messages in Words to Friends. A whole lot of food helped. Way too many calories and the body will most likely pay for it tomorrow. I'm bundled up under seven layer of clothes with gloves on. It's not so dad here tonight, but having to keep the window open, it's 52 degrees, which wouldn't be so bad if I could just warm up but I'm tired of being under the electric blanket.

Long month.

If I went to the gym, took a shower, even a luke warm shower, I'm likely be in so much better spirits. I could even go to the office where it's nice and warm, although sleep might not be as comfortable sitting up there. Not good for the bottom either.

Now I am just numb.

I am not sleeping well this month, so the optimism and will power and good stuff is challeng…