Step By Step

Yay. Don't I make it easy to avoid the serious stuff with all these wandering email threads and snippets? :P :)

Oh wait, I thought you wrote "Still love you" to me... ooops. lol lam..

So I wrote a message to every single person on the roommate site tonight, even the ones I wrote to during this past week since I started really trying to find a roommate again.

I looked at apartments and everything is so expensive that isn't in the ghetto and even the ghetto isn't cheap.

Getting old along and poor is really no fun. I see why some people just let go and die.

I'm too stubborn for that and besides, somewhere inside I get off on this hopeless martyr trip.

Who's mentally ill? Jesus?

I didn't laugh out loud, I'm showing respect.

I also see why people compromise in relationships they barely tolerate or even hate.

I'm too stubborn for that too and I've had enough abuse for one lifetime.

Nobody's gonna abuse me more than I do anymore, so there.

I suppose I could give up softball and social life and move to some small town where it's cheaper to live but still not too far from work. That may be my only alternative as the years pass.

Or maybe I'll feel better about spending more on rent in a few months when the car is paid off.

Maybe the right house will turn up, but I don't even know where to start looking.

This ghetto shack sold for about $70,000 and his mortgage is under $500 a month. I just don't have the money to fix a place like this up enough to make it livable and there is the little thing about drugs and guns and crime right outside the front door. But I've done a good job ignoring that.

I am really trying to think through my options...

it is sad but getting stressed or depressed over it isn't going to help me live longer and I still want to live longer, so use that logic to see this rambling is the only way to really see my choices and try to choose the best choice I have.

That is the best I can do and the best I can do is a good thing.

Good things make us happy, right? :)

Maybe I could find a house I could afford if it was far enough from civilization... seems the most sensible option.

Know anybody in real estate I can trust?

I promise I won't be your neighbor :P

I should go to sleep. Tomorrow is a 6 AM to 6 PM day at work and then softball after that if it doesn't rain. Same for Thursday and Friday, except without the softball. I've just been stressing a bit more than usual about living here and not finding anything on the roommate site and realizing it's been years now... sheeesh, and there are fewer people on the site than there has been in all the time I've been on it... sending messages to dozens of people and getting no replies is a kind of rejection, after all, and rejection feels bad.

So that's the reason for all this rambling, I feel bad. Rejected. unwanted. Not valued. Not appreciated. Alone.

And the mice r rats that moved into the attic aren't helping. lol lal sigh :)

So how are you? :)

See, as long as I'm caught up in this limbo life living like a refugee, you can avoid the serious stuff in your life and just feel bad for me.

Maybe that's not such a good thing after all (snark).

So I exhausted the roommate site. Maybe next I need to take the house search seriously.

Focus. :)

thanks for listening, I think I figure out what I should do.

Find a house for under $100,000.

Believe it is possible.

Do it.

Narf :)

love you :)

me