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Sabotage

So why do you think I need this? lol

All I ever wanted was to be loved
but everyone seems to want something more
reaching for something so high above
or something they see in every store

all I ever wanted was someone who
could give everything up for me
cuz that's all I've got to give them
everything... 

so if I ask for too much
I have settled for so much less
and I always want more
and that's too much I guess
I am living the dream
imagining like John
and if no one will walk with me
I'll just walk on

Living every moment in my peaceful happiness
it's not that it's perfect, surely you know
the madness comes and goes, does it show?
there's so much out there, maybe you don't see
there's plenty of madness inside of me
but I try to deal with mine honestly
my madness is just loving unconditionally

so it's easy to take advantage
it's easy to take for granted
it's easy to ignore me when I say
will anyone come out to play?

it's easy to pass o beat me
competition is not my fun
what upsets me is not losing
it's accepting the game is done
I don't ever want it to be ove
rcuz that's when I feel alone
cuz nobody goes home with me
and I remain unknown

but all I ever wanted was to be loved
I really don't want anything more
except to give all of my love
that is what I live for
all I ever wanted was someone who
could give everything back to me
cuz that's all I've got to give them
everything... 
completely
everything...
honestly
everything...
all I've been
all I am
all I have
all I can ever be


hey it's just another love song 
looking for it's harmony. 


So why do you think I need this again? lol...
sabotage is such a strong word... lol 

I hope you see I am laughing, seriously appreciating you even s I know it all because I'm a know it all and nobody can tell me more about me than I already know. My sabotage started at a very early age. I had good teachers and I learned how to do it better than them very early on cuz nobody was going to put me down before me. 

Left at the hospital, from womb to aloneI
wondered if I was worthy of love from the start
Asked to fix a broken marriage on my own
Blamed when it all fell apart
started with with a broken heart
So was I destined to fail from the start?
I came into this world with a broken heart
So do I ask for too much from the start?
I know it's hard to accept a truly broken heart
but I won't pretend that I'm alright like everybody else
Most people have a broken heart they hide
they put on a smile and leave their real feelings on a shelf
and they wonder why they're never satisfied
how can anybody satisfy them 
when they keep their deepest dreams inside
destined to be denied


See what you inspire when you dare to care about me?
When you dare to try to help, you know what I'm going to say
Too many words, too much introspective truth digging see?
It's just how I survive alone (and my favorite game to play)
No wonder why everybody runs away :)


after a pause, a little silent musical interlude... we turn to the world and tell them how we really feel (it's so wonderful to not be alone inside my head, hope all the grinning smiles don't scare ya :) ) ... 


... yeah so you had to ask "how are you?"
as if anyone really wants to know
people ask "how are you?"
cuz it's easier than starting with "I have to go"

if I ask "how are you?"
most people look away
running from themselves and me
I don't want to play
that game of pretending "I'm fine"
I'd rather just let awkward silence
  . . . . . 
get in the way

see I am out there for anyone to see
for anyone who dares to click on the link read and follow me
see there's a soundtrack and it's the story of my life
and there is so much more and so much more
for anyone to see

so do I really sabotage myself?
or do I simply share myself... too openly?

too much is not enough
when everything
is 
all
I
want
for 
"we"

...so I just keep the door open, 
hoping someone will share it all with me
hoping someone will want to be "we"
with me :)

. . . I think now it's time for some more sixties songs... 

Beatles for starters... From Abbey Road to the first innocent dreams... 

 . . . she loves you yeah, yeah, yeah... 

yeah :)

thanks for the inspiration :)

hl,
me




https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_stop_sabotaging_yourself

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