I don't sit down to write as much as I used to and I definitely don't tell you much of what is going on i my life cuz that seems to drive us apart and I don't want that, but I did want to share the hematologist appointment today went well and he doesn't want to see me for another 6 months which is a good thing. I must call my other docs to make appts for other stuff - just need to make time to look up the telephone numbers. Anyway, there is so much unsaid between us, so much more than you know, but I stopped here to poop shower and change before I head to work and just wanted to say hi and give you good news cuz I know you care and I want you to know I appreciate you. :)
Every now and then I get a little bit lonely, but it's almost always by choice. Or forgetfulness. I wonder if you understand that. I don't know if anyone ever has. That, in and of itself, is lonely. I learned self-control as a survival skill before I knew how to define or describe what I was doing. Instinct saved me from so much, and eventually, I learned that everything I thought or felt was a choice. My choice. It isolated me so much from others, It still does. I did everything I could to try to forget this. I did everything I could to try to forget who I am, what I can do, and how it feels to be me. It didn't work. I did it for love. You are sometimes uncomfortable around me and I'm not sure if you know why. It is because I can feel everything and you can feel that and it scares you. It is your hypersensitivity. You don't know how to be comfortable with all you feel, especially because there are so many sad and painful feelings in this world and I feel ev...
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