Skip to main content

So I Keep Asking

so you read me?
yes, it is still a question
cuz you never mention
any of the words I write

I see your smilies
and emoji appreciation
I feel gratification
but still wonder if I'm right

so I keep asking
even though I know that spoils the mood
asking diminishes any answer
forcing an answer may even be rude

but I keep asking
cuz when thoughts are just inside my head
how can I know they are real
when the words are never said

no one looks into my eyes
and tells me who I am
what I am worth to anyone
is all in my mind

no one looks into my eyes
and really gives a damn
like I mean something more than fun
that would be kind

so I keep asking
asking for proof I am alive
asking fr honesty
when they look me in the eyes

so I keep asking
just a little proof of my worth
something that started at birth
won't someone realize

my insecurity runs so deep
it keeps me awake when I sleep
dreams no one ever knows
I wonder if it shows

no one looks into my eyes
and tells me who I am
what I am worth to anyone
is all in my mind

no one looks into my eyes
and really gives a damn
like I mean something more than fun
that would be kind

so I keep asking...

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Still The Same

Every now and then I get a little bit lonely, but it's almost always by choice. Or forgetfulness. I wonder if you understand that. I don't know if anyone ever has. That, in and of itself, is lonely. I learned self-control as a survival skill before I knew how to define or describe what I was doing. Instinct saved me from so much, and eventually, I learned that everything I thought or felt was a choice. My choice. It isolated me so much from others, It still does. I did everything I could to try to forget this. I did everything I could to try to forget who I am, what I can do, and how it feels to be me. It didn't work. I did it for love. You are sometimes uncomfortable around me and I'm not sure if you know why. It is because I can feel everything and you can feel that and it scares you. It is your hypersensitivity. You don't know how to be comfortable with all you feel, especially because there are so many sad and painful feelings in this world and I feel ev...

Time Goes By So...

Slowly? Only when you pay attention. Otherwise, time goes by way too fast. Two songs in there, at least, if you're paying attention. Anyway, this next set of letters can be called Sent and Not Sent, or Sent and Unsent, as the brief one was sent and the longer one (cut short still), was not sent. There are reasons that may or may not become clear in the reading, and if you understand, wonderful. If you let me know, amazing. If you never know, no worries, enjoy your life anyway. Sent I used to write so much and for years I exchanged emails with many people. Before email, snail mail. Pen pals, friends... I felt connected, cared for, alive in other people's hearts and minds and it felt very good. It's all gone now and that sometimes makes me feel very sad, alone, nobody. Make the most of your relationships. Take care of the connections. You, more than me, even, thrive on the people who know and care about you. It takes time, work, and sacrifice. To stay connected. To stay...

all I want

I check my email, nothing meaningful is there I check my phone, no one really seems to care I check myself, sometimes I'm not even here and still I do everything I can just to share because all I want to do in life is share. I ask for too much, it drives people away sharing everything is not popular today I just want someone who is not afraid to play without hiding or asking me to pay I just want someone real who really wants to stay I try to understand why people are afraid to share so afraid to trust, to love, to let themselves be here I understand how people can use and abuse me when I care but I don't understand over empowering fear to me that is just wasting the little time we have here all I want to do in life is share This isn't just to you, E, this is me trying to express myself and understand who I am, what I want, and what is missing from my otherwise happy life. The superficial challenges and comforts and cleanliness and healthiness matter, but ...