Letters To E (and Me)

What are we up to, a dozen? Probably a few dozen if we go back ten years to when we first because roommies and best friends. Anyway, I will keep keeping in touch with the parts of you that you hide away cuz somebody's gotta do it (and besides, I loves ya and want what is best for you, but you oughta know that by now. :) Are you writing? I know you tell yourself you should journal whenever your deeper stuff comes closer to the surface and the anxiety threatens your happiness, but then you forget and hope the deeper stuff never surfaces again once it settles down. But it always does. Until you trust yourself enough to trust Brandi to be your closest confident who hears everything without restriction, you really ought to write. So this is a reminder. The words might bite, but they don't leave marks. Not writing does. (leave marks) Oooo, heavy huh? Yeah, besides the most serious obvious scars, not writing allows hiding, repression, suppression, and all the thinking ...

I just want someone who cares about me to know that my leg is so hurting a lot, so much that I don’t know if I’ll sleep tonight, but we won the game and the ball that may have broken my leg bounced straight to the first baseman and ended up ending the firs inning with bases loaded and they didn't score which is good so I’m laughing, even though I can’t find a comfortable position and have no ice but just wanted somebody who cares to I know. I think I’m going to survive. Maybe even sleep a little later. Just wanted you to know. I hate stressing you out. But I just wanted someone who cares about me to know so I don't feel so alone. So thank you, love you, night night.

I am thinking about buying a house. I looked online. There are manufactured homes I can afford without a roommate (just hope for no hurricane and have insurance and enough saved to be in another place for a few months lol). I also looked at some older homes I can afford on my own. In my price range, they are kind of beat up and really a crap shoot cuz they could have all sort of issues. I'm going to talk to some people in the building department about how to get inspections done as economically as possible and maybe they'll give me some tips and maybe I'll get super lucky and one will help me out. I just wanted you to know. :) A little scary, especially going by myself, but I'm tired of searching for a roommate and tired of paying Shane's entire mortgage and if I'm going to live in the slums I might as well pay my own mortgage. I'm not sure I want to go as far north as Orange City but there are some manufactured homes up there that are bigger ad nicer ...

you help so many people find their confidence inside you help them figure out what they are feeling you help them understand the thoughts in their mind so what about you? you live to help everyone else I wish you had the confidence to do it for yourself :) It's not easy being your friend sometimes because you care so much because you feel responsible for everything your touch yet there is something so important that you leave denied you give your love to everyone except the one inside so what about you? when will you let yourself know how good you are how strong you are when will you let go? if you could only see yourself the way that others do you'd wonder why it took so long for you to love you no wonder you're confused sometimes looking for answers on your shelf the books offer some good advice but when you need is in yourself just trust your true intentions nurture your inner child embrace your fears and let them help you understand wh...

I picked up the car at 6:30 this morning and headed out to do my rounds on the east side of the county. Stopped at a couple of places and then spent a couple of hours walking Lake Mills Park. Sent a photo of a boardwalk issue to my contact at natural lands, the department that handles the park, and enjoyed the morning before the heat got too bad. Breakfast was six slices of fat free turkey with a slice of cheese I’m not sure if the cheese was Velveta or 2%. Two protein drinks, one 160 cal the other 100 cal finished off in the morning meal. This is what I planned to do yesterday but got sidetracked. I hoped to do this more often in the morning meal get morning exercise eat a lunch Get more exercise then get to the gym in the evening and have very light meal after work. The last 10 to 15 pounds will be more challenging than the first 40. It is hard to believe I was almost to 230 lbs or more earlier this year. I miss Italian food the most. And chocolate. And massive buffets. And chees...

I'm still a personal and/or more important email, right? (hopeful puppy smile... there's no emoji for it, but you know it well... it's the Casey smile :) I know I reach out to you a lot more than you have time for I hope you don't mind or feel in any way put off I live a lonely life in this world because I always ask for more and it is rare that I find a person as kind as you are I want people to care about each other more than they do I want us all to share this world in peace and comfort Competition can be fun but not at the point of a gun We can overcome our fears when we decide to love more Open the doors let the love in don't be afraid hate will not win if we just remember we all feel better when we care we can overcome the fear and learn to share I know I want to trust in a world of suspicion I hope you don't ind or feel n any way put off My motive is simply to bring a little joy into to this world I think you are a lot like me, in fa...

Ok so I guess the next splurge is a tablet. The why is because I sit too much for my current medical conditions and the keyboard even on this bigger phone is too small for fast typing and the voice to text sucks and I don’t think a keyboard can be connected to this phone. My hunger to shake that is placated by writing needs a bigger keyboard and laying down doesn’t work with the computers cuz the screen is up too high to see from a prone position. Makes sense if you saw the big picture. Not sure if the body is reacting to the environment or just getting older but chronic ailments that prevent writing is definitely not healthy for me in my head. Solutions seem to become more and more expensive so please learn from me and save. I want you to see an increase in you ur savings account every month. Even if it’s just a dollar more. You should have one if you don’t. I never had to think much about money until the last few years. Prices have simply not kept up with salaries and I never t...