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And When I Believe You Love Me

And when I believe you love me...
I think about you every night
before I fall asleep
some may tell you that isn't right
but promises must keep
nobody says good night to me
it feels like no one cares
if I don't wake up in the morning
how long will I lay there

I wonder things like who will care
to cremate me and say goodbye
apologies for the subject
but someday we all die
it doesn't scare me to know this
what bother's me, I guess
is knowing I may have no one
who will clean up the mess

I wrote a song long time ago
back in the early years
when I explored who I am
and overcame my fears
the links remain to express me
to anyone who cares
the night is the most lonely time
because no one is here
the time nobody shares

So excuse me for telling you
how much I miss the time
of nite nite love you BFF
is it such a crime?
my hope is that you find a smile
in knowing that I care
and still appreciate you now
every time you share

So now I lay me down to sleep
and hope tomorrow smiles
thank you for reading these words
for just a little while
I hope to find someone who will
come right out of the blue
until I do, just now and then
I'll say these words to you
nite nite, sleep tight, love you
nite nite, steep tight, live you

Awwww, yeah, I am such a sappy sentimental mushy emo old fool, I know. But isn't that really what life is all about, I mean, isn't love what makes life worth living more than anything else? Yeah, so I make-believe family and I make-believe love and I make-believe intimacy and trust and each night I go to sleep wishing for a real life partner and someone who will want to be with me always... and that's what matters most to me in this world. Maybe I am dreaming the impossible dream (queue song, Don Quixote lol) but I will never give up (and never surrender) cuz I am just stubborn like that. There's always hope I'll find someone.

I write what we now call a blog just about every day. I use it to record life, amuse myself, distract myself, and keep in touch with myself and my dreams. Mostly, in recent years, I distract myself more than anything else. The dream, however, lives on. It's good to know. :)

Somewhere in you, buried deep where nobody can see (hopefully you show Tina), I know there is a romantic heart that understand my dream. That is why I thank you for understand me, or at least this obsession with love part of me. To love and be loved is why I exist. I've been partnerless a very long time. You help me remember why I am alive because you have the desire to love and be loved too. I am so happy you found someone right for you. You give me hope to carry on (sappy old song, time to exit, stage left lol).

This is the stuff shared by BFFs, I think.

Nite nite, love you. :)

honest love,
me


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