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all I want

I check my email, nothing meaningful is there
I check my phone, no one really seems to care
I check myself, sometimes I'm not even here
and still I do everything I can just to share
because all I want to do in life is share.

I ask for too much, it drives people away
sharing everything is not popular today
I just want someone who is not afraid to play
without hiding or asking me to pay
I just want someone real who really wants to stay

I try to understand why people are afraid to share
so afraid to trust, to love, to let themselves be here
I understand how people can use and abuse me when I care
but I don't understand over empowering fear
to me that is just wasting the little time we have here

all I want to do in life is share

This isn't just to you, E, this is me trying to express myself and understand who I am, what I want, and what is missing from my otherwise happy life. The superficial challenges and comforts and cleanliness and healthiness matter, but all that would be meaningless if the one core desire, to share everything with someone, was fulfilled. Understanding this allows me to stop moaning about the health issues and living environment and whatever.

At least for the moment (laughing at myself) :)

I send these words to you because I think you know me. I think you care about me. And I think you might want to know me better since we spent a lot of years living in the same space and grew closer than most of the people we've known in our lives. I'd like to think all those years meant something and were not wasted or simply relegated to seldom remembered memories. All I think could be wrong, but since you don't tell me what you think, all I've got it what I think :)

So anyway, this rhyme, and this line all I want to do in life is share says more about me than most anything I've written in a very long time. Believing you care and might want to know and understand me helped me write it, so thank you for that. Even if my belief is all in my mind, it's real enough to inspire me to write and clarify me. Maybe someone will appreciate that someday. After all, one needs to identify and define one's self to share one's self, right? :)

Know anybody who might want to know someone like me?

I don't but I keep hoping :)

Nite nite, love you, :)

hl,
me

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